Bare Vexed.
Dear Ms Kerr,
I write to you as I share your passion for good English which is being ridiculed by our peers. That has unfortunately led to us being stereotyped as a generation. I like you, am driven to show to others that good English is not a mystery or difficult. I am strong believer that the English Language today is under developing and instead going backwards. It is degrading to say that, due to current and appalling 21st century culture among a number of other factors, the manner of speech is fast declining. As part of this generation I try to withstand against any nonsense however it’s extremely difficult to do so. It’s simply tragic that from such nonsense, the future generations of this world are appearing incapable and simple-minded to the rest of the world. Overall, I’m just happy to see there is another person who understands this problem probably even more than me as your article depicts. I’d like to speak of certain effects that have arisen from this tragedy and I just hope that with our passion and my solution we can turn this it around.
A problem is that this so called language is now recognised and accepted by those at Oxford Dictionary. This is portrayed in your article as extremely negative and with that, I totally agree. Slang phrases and words such as ‘twerk’, ‘selfie’, ‘adorbs’, ‘brick’, ‘bro hug’ and ‘amazeballs’ are not the way we should speak and by Oxford accepting this, there is no way to turn back to the days of real English. Especially as a point in your article is that it is complete nonsense for such an institution to be accepting the nonsense itself.
I believe that from this problem the results and effects are going to be catastrophic. However at least I know this is not the case with all organisations as I have encountered many grammatical proofreading errors upon the slang used in this letter. As shown by your article, if the elite such as Oxford Dictionary start believing in this gibberish then all of us youths are encouraged to as well. And if this continues then I must say, not only will it be a problem but a disaster.
The other major problem is that by the majority of our generation speaking in such a manner it makes the whole of the generation suffer. That is, all of us are now expected and believed to speak such drivel. This is something of a main point in your article. I mean this is simply not the case. Teenagers are given a very two-faced profile by this. There is evidence, as in your article there are tweets by our (intelligent) peers who also believe that it is ridiculous for all teenagers to be expected to speak in such a grotesque manner.
A major effect as well is that the whole of our generation is deemed incapable of normal everyday tasks. It is unfair to you, I and the few others who are not so ignorant. Sadly I can speak from experience, as I have in situations tried to urge my fellow-man that by using their ‘language’ it will be of no benefit later on in the real world and will only continue to embrace the insensitive view of teenagers. But doing this causes no difference. They act as if wanting of this disaster. It appears that this problem will persist with the continuation of the whole of our generation being labelled as just plain idiots.
I do have a solution but it will only work with your help. Your perspective includes that the ‘linguistic calamities’ which is the use of slang, should be solved and I know how. That is we show to our generation there is everything wrong with the way they speak. We can do this, if you with your reputation as a writer campaign alongside me primarily on social networking sites. We can produce texts and cartoons trying to show to teenagers that their speech will cause a catastrophe. I mean, it already has with the rest of us having to suffer too.
Another part to the solution is that we encourage the use of good English in and out of schools, either by holding talks or again by social networks to show that it really isn’t that difficult. This is rather abstract but hopefully it will work however I can only do it with your assistance. Concluding, I wrote this letter to outline the problems of general slang in teenagers which you have also done in your article. I also did so to say I have a solution which I am regretfully forced to ask for your assistance in knowing the idiocy of the problem itself. But, I am still hopeful you will take me up on my offer to stop this illiteracy. Nevertheless, I will always be proud that you and I are one of those who are not part of this mindless generation.
Yours Sincerely,
Jawwaad Quamar.
January 2, 2015 at 4:21 pm
Jawwaad, you certainly have an opinion on the topic! We need to focus your answer a little more, though.
Could you respond to just one of the articles, addressing your response to the writer? i.e. ‘Dear Ms. Kerr’
Try to respond directly to the key arguments made by the writer, countering them with the thoughts you have included here.
You need to ensure you remain closely focussed on the article you are responding to.
Nice work.
January 11, 2015 at 6:24 pm
Jawwaad, the changes you have made have gone some way to focus your piece. However, there are still some things you need to adapt to be hitting the top bands for both reading and writing.
Targets:
1) There are some typographical errors and grammatical issues that need addressing. Make sure you are proof reading your work.
2) Check your use of hyphens.
3) You need to focus on responding to the points made in the original article. You need to isolate 3-5 points made by Isabelle Kerr and elaborate on those points. This should help you to develop the structure of your argument.
4) The end of your response feels unfinished. Think about this as an open letter to the author and how you might draw it to a close.
This would currently receive:
Writing: 33/40 (B)
Reading: 4/10 (E)
January 27, 2015 at 2:18 pm
To Mr Harris
I am happy the feedback but not the grades obviously, however you could you elaborate on the marks.
I’ll endeavor to get the A* , with your help. Do you think that’s possible, do you?
February 2, 2015 at 11:37 am
Sir can you update the comment.
February 2, 2015 at 11:42 am
Jawwaad, getting there.
Targets:
1) You argument is a little convoluted (largely because of your overambitious sentence structures).
2) Your argument needs to develop throughout the piece.
3) You have some basic grammatical errors. Correct.
Grade:
Writing: 34/40
Reading: 9/10
February 4, 2015 at 5:53 pm
Sir some feedback please.
February 5, 2015 at 6:44 pm
Jawwaad, some of your wording is very clumsy and hinders the clarity of your writing. For example:
‘I am a strong believer that the English Language today is under developing and instead going backwards, true to your opinion also.’
You also need to be aware of your reader. This is likely to be read by readers of the original article if it is an open letter, so it should be as equally entertaining to read as the original.
Your language is often over complicated, and some of the ambitious vocabulary you have used convalutes your overall meaning. You need to think about what you are saying in your article and express this with clarity. What has stimulated you to go to the effort of writing this letter to the author?
March 24, 2015 at 7:48 pm
Targets:
Your punctuation is a little sloppy. For example:
‘I write to you as I share your passion for correct and good English that is being ridiculed by our peers who are the same age. Which ends up causing us as a generation to be stereotyped by others.’
This has a knock on effect to your sentence structures.
You need to check the logic of your argument. What have you read that you disagree with and how can this be developed into your own argument either for or against. Have some fun with it.
You need to check your use of paragraphs.
Current grade:
35/40 (B1)
9/10 (A)
March 30, 2015 at 4:09 pm
Jawwaad, similar feedback as above.
1) Commas are used inaccurately
2) Your paragraphing is inconsistent.
3) Some of your sentences are overcomplicated and do not make sense (particularly your final paragraph.
35/40 (B1)
9/10 (A)
April 7, 2015 at 2:42 pm
You still need to check some of your uses of commas.
You need to ensure that your argument is logical – at times your are being too verbose (over complex/complicated language).
Paragraphs – you must be using them for effect.
Grade:
Writing: 35/40 (B1)
Reading: 9/10 (A1)
April 14, 2015 at 9:40 am
There are a few issues with your use of ‘is’ and ‘are’. e.g:
‘One problem is superior forces such as Oxford English Dictionary are extending the appeal of this so-called ‘language’ by recognising and accepting it.’
Your paragraphing is still a problem. One this is sorted, you will accessing the higher band.
Writing: 35/40 (B1)
Reading: 9/10 (A1)